Megan

Topics: Eating Disorders

"When I was 17 yrs old, I got into a very unhealthy relationship where I was emotionally and sexually abused.  When I was finally able to get out of it I thought my life would go back to normal. I wouldn't learn until later that I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It was during this time my eating disorder began. I completely hated myself, and my mind was constantly under attack with self hatred thoughts. I started abusing food and my body as a way to cope with the intense feelings of self- hatred, depression and anxiety. My eating disorder became my only way to cope with life. At my worst I went months without hearing my own voice, except to tell my dad “goodnight.” I had such intense feelings of self hatred I found release through other unhealthy coping mechanisms like self harm.

My eating disorder and my social anxiety basically drove everyone away and I bacame completely isolated.  I lost a lot of friendships I will never get back. I damaged the relationships I had with my family; I hurt them and have had to earn their trust back. I still have issues with trusting guys and committing to a relationship. I did a lot of damage to my health. I still struggle with depression and anxiety and take medications for it. I thought I would be able to stop when I wanted, but eventually I needed it, I depended on it, binging and purging was my drug. Eventually I was left hopeless and living each passing day like a zombie. I knew I was either going to live with this eating disorder until it killed me, or I was going to have to ask for help. So I got help.

I went to treatment at the Center for Change when I was ready for help – it was an amazing place. I was there for six months and it was the hardest and BEST six months of my life. I came back to life there. I worked extremely hard and trusted my treatment team. I am a completely different person today. To maintain my recovery I do a ton of different things. I made a recovery binder that I look at all the time with assignments and quotes and letters from C.F.C. I also have found the book “Life without ED” by Jenni Schafer very helpful and I am looking forward to her new one.  Oh, and I love “Intuitive Eating”! Regularly I do positive affirmations, journal, go to workshops at C.F.C. and attend 12-step meetings. But I still rely on God and take things “one day at a time”. The most important thing I have learned is to just be nice to myself and give myself a break sometimes! Now, I am a new and improved Megan. I now know who I really am, and what life is really all about. I cannot describe how good it feels and how happy I am to be where I am today!"