Rachel

Topics: Eating Disorders

“I grew up in a normal family. I was anorexic from ages 11 to 13. I had food and body image issues until age 19. When I was 19 years old I became bulimic for 3 years. My bulimia consisted of over-exercising, purging, and starving myself as a means to cope with an obsessive addiction beyond my control. I spent a lot of energy counting my calories, changing careers, working out, getting sick, changing jobs, and planning meals. I didn’t have the emotional, mental, or physical capacity to sustain or prioritize bonding with loved ones. I didn’t want people to get to know me because I didn’t know myself. I couldn’t maintain meaningful relationships because I had to keep friends and family at arm’s length in order to keep my addiction a secret. When I reached a level of hopelessness, I finally asked for help and called a nutritionist to ask for suggestions. From there, I began seeing a therapist who specialized in addiction (eating disorders). I was advised to seek out a 12 step program for individuals with eating disorders. I would recommend recovery programs such as Overeaters Anonymous, Eating Disorders Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alanon, and CODA which are designed for people with eating disorders and other addictions. I continue to go to support meetings and see my nutritionist. I find the time to do things that keep me “Rachel” -- art, hiking, writing, and dance.”  

I was speaking at Deer Valley High School on eating disorders when a freshman boy came up to me after my share.  He was obviously a little “less popular” as one might say; he carried himself with slight insecurity.  Throughout my presentation, I had noticed he was intrigued with the elements of loneliness and ritualistic coping mechanisms I had adopted while I was growing up.  I looked at him kindly and shook his hand when he approached me, asking him how his day was going. 

“Do you have ADHD?” he asked me. I laughed instinctively.  I am quite eccentric when I talk, and I wave my hands about like a six-year old.  “No, I don’t think so,” I replied, “but who knows, doctors might think I have ADHD if I took the right tests.”

“Yeah.  I have ADHD,” the young man said, a little disappointed.  “You know, sometimes obsessive compulsive disorder and attention disorders are like cousins.  It’s very likely you and I are very similar.”  “Yeah, you sound ADD,” he stated with reassurance and identification.

I laughed again.  I wanted to give him a message to take with him, “I think you have something very special to offer the world.  I think that you, like me, will be able to use the way you think and learn in a very extraordinary way…even if other people don’t understand right now.”   "Yeah, I hope so, ‘cause sometimes they don’t.  Well, see ya!” 

Sometimes my favorite part about being a ClearChoices speaker isn’t connecting with kids who have an eating disorder – it’s connecting with kids who feel disconnected. 

-Rachel, 2008